Demoralised? (Week 21 - 10 to go)

Sun shines on the runners as they wait for me

Let’s be clear this does not mean demotivated.  It’s just that over the last few weeks I have steadily become demoralised by my progress and running performance and a ‘bad’ run this week was the catalyst to do something about it.

It doesn’t matter if the aim is running up a mountain or losing weight we all have bad weeks, have to dig deep for the motivation and have to be committed to the goal. But my demoralisation seemed to go a bit deeper, lingering over time and having a negative impact on, what is ultimately a ‘head game’.

So it was time to do some honest evaluation of what I’m trying to achieve and how I’m going about it.  And I asked myself a few questions.

Q. Is the goal achievable and do I want to achieve it?

Q. Is the [training] plan realistic and fit for purpose?

Q. I am putting in the effort?

Q. What’s causing my angst?

My usual view of everyone disappearing into the distance

My goal, to complete the Goatfell Hill Race is achievable (a view supported by my coach and family) and I really want to do it.  I am not aiming to win the race, or even come in the top 10.  I fully expect to be last but not totally outside the parameters of previous runners.

I am following a training plan, it’s written down, I’ve amended it a couple of times when I got a few tweaks and to take account of my recent mountain bike challenge, but I’m pretty much sticking to it.  I vary the length of runs, slowly increasing distance; the terrain is mainly trails – lots of different ones, some rocky, some forest tracks, some woodland and some road; I always try to get a bit of ascent in but again the amount, incline and duration of climbs varies as does the descent;  and I also cross train with the bike. Progress is slow – very!  But I’m also a ‘stats’ person, so know that I am running further and on harder terrain than I could at this time last year.  I am also running about 10 seconds / km faster, not a lot I know, but it’s still faster.

Running with Watson - 200m height gained

I have made space in the diary to huff, puff, sweat and swear (no lady like ‘glowing’ for me!), I take my running kit to work to run on the way home and use my bike instead of my car whenever its practical and boy have I been out in all weathers. I know how tired my body feels after a tough run, I know how my lungs are struggling to keep up with the legs, and I know that shaky wobbly leg feeling only too well as my legs recover.

Cross train with the bike - great views.

So taking a hard look at my ‘bad’ run this week and the sessions I am not happy with, and comparing these with the runs where I come back on a high, feeling good that I’ve done something there is only one difference.  My ‘happy’ runs are done solo or with the dog. I’m finding running with the group difficult, everyone is so much faster than me and this week I completely lost touch with everyone, was unable to chat, and felt stressed trying to catch up, and awful at everyone having to stop and keep waiting for me. Running with this anxiety slows me down as I panic more and breathing becomes more erratic as I am unable to settle into my own pace.  Seeing how fast everyone else runs is slowly demoralising me.  I know it is often recommended to train with folk who are at a higher level, but I think there is a point where the higher level is too high and I need to step back a bit.

Blessed with good weather this week

So after talking to my coach I’m taking a few weeks off from group training and will be running solo (with the dog). I fully intend to go back to group running but with a slower group were hopefully I’ll be able to hold my own, and even have a conversation or two!

Meanwhile progress will continue along with the blog.

Weeks activity 28^th Feb – 5^th March :

Sunday – Trail run 6.11km / 235m height gain

Monday – Rest day

Tuesday – More resting

Wednesday – Still more resting

Thursday – Forest trail run 7km / 201m height gain

Friday – Short road run 3.72k / 29m height

Saturday – Mountain bike 11.77km / 277m height

(Goatfell Race 15.5km / 870m)